it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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