Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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