I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
