The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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