Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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