Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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