I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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