Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh god it's open bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
