I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
