Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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