batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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