I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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