lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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