I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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