I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
