I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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