Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
