I hope mine doesn't look like that
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My penis needs a shock collar
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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