I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
