we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
