Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i think my cat just said my name.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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