I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
