this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
