did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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