these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just tell him i said nine months
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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