I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
