she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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