just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
