Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
