Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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