forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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