he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
