He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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