it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize