When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
