Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
