we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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