Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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