Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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