some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
