My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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