you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
