hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
