i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
