The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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