Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
