No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
