i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
