your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
