I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
