I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
