I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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