So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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