thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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