I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
