If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
