So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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