I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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