It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
