"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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