It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
